Marriage
Marriage is a bonding relationship between a man and a woman where they commit to live the rest of their life together, accept each other, and welcome the bride to the groom's house. According to tradition, when a woman gets married, she has to leave her house and go to her in-law's house and live the rest of her life with them. As we know exceptions are everywhere so in some places it's the groom who goes to live at his in-law's house but mostly a woman goes.
Marriage not only builds a connection between a man and a woman but also it can connect two families. A healthy relationship is not just about love or intimation, it's about respect, spending time with each other, having an understanding between both, respecting each other boundaries and responsibilities, holding hands in difficult times, praising your partner, not using abusive language while talking to them, and making mutual efforts. A healthy relationship can lead to a long-lasting married life. At the same point, an unhealthy relationship leads to unsuccessful married life.
Who is responsible for successful or unsuccessful married life?
Both men and women are equally responsible for a happy married life but instead, women have to bear the higher cost of an unsuccessful married life most of the time. It does not mean that man does not bear any cost, he does but when a woman leaves her house and comes to a new house with her partner, she expects that her partner support her in every instance of life, she leaves her house, her parents for a man and when she doesn't get that love, respect and support she needed then she gets stressed and think of herself as a useless person who can't go back to her parents not because her parents doesn't love her but because society doesn't accept this.
In some married life, it's the man who suffers but here my perspective is towards those women who suffered a lot from their married life. Marriage is one of the most important investments a person can make in their life, so a person needs to choose wisely.
Marriage can be either successful or unsuccessful. There is a famous saying in India that a woman can make the home or break the home! So it has been believed that successful or unsuccessful married life lies in the hands of a woman.
But the question arises here, is it only the duty of a woman to make a marriage successful?
Different beliefs
Different religions have different rituals and customs performed at their weddings:
- Hindus perform marriage by taking 7 rounds of holy fire, putting vermilion in the bride's parting of the head, and a mangal sutra on the neck of the bride.
- Muslims perform nikah where the bride and groom say qubool to each other when asked by the kaaji.
- Sikhs perform weddings in gurudwaras and perform their rituals.
- Christian performs a wedding in church and the bride is greeted by a bouquet, and a wedding cake has been cut.
Everyone has different customs and beliefs but one common thing is the vows which the couple give to each other(the number of vows can be different).
Seven vows of marriage
According to Hindu rituals, marriage cannot be completed without 7 rounds of holy fire and a pinch of vermilion (sindoor) in the bride's parting line of the head. These 7 rounds are termed as 'saath phere' which are taken by bride and groom around the holy fire and with each round bride and groom make a promise or vow to each other. These are seven vows which bind the couple for eternity.
Why it's only 7 vows not any other number? It's because one round around the holy fire can make a 360° angle and 7 is the only number that can not divide 360, so it is believed that no one can break their relationship.
7 rounds are attached with 7 vows where each vow signifies different scenarios :
•First round (Pehla phera)::
First vow :
The groom says that he will provide welfare and nourishment to the bride and to the children they will bear, in return bride says that she will provide you food and take responsibility for his house.
•Second round (Dusra phera)::
Second vow :
The groom says that he will protect her from every obstacle and in return bride says she will be her husband as his strength and wants loyalty in return from her husband.
•Third round (Teesra phera)::
Third vow :
The groom says that we will grow a healthy and prosperous future together in return bride says that she remains loyal to her husband.
•Fourth round (Chotha phera)::
Fourth vow :
The groom says that you have completed his life, promises to respect you, and hopes for obedient children, The bride promises to shower his life with joy and happiness and do every possible thing to cherish him.
•Fifth round (Paanchva phera)::
Fifth vow :
The groom says you are my best friend and well-wisher, I pray to God to bless you and the bride promised to love and cherish as long as she lives.
•Sixth round (Chattha phera)::
Sixth vow :
The groom says to the bride that you have taken six steps with me and cherished my life, I am delighted. Would you promise to fill the rest of my life with such happiness? To this bride promised to be on his side for a lifetime.
•Seventh round (Saatva phera)::
Seventh vow :
The groom says that we are husband and wife and we will live together for eternity To this bride says as God is witness, I am your wife now. We will love, cherish, and honor each other forever.
If these vows are taken by both bride and groom then the responsibility must be taken by both of them to make their marriage successful.
Different perceptions of women's related to marriage
According to some women, marrying can complete them. They think marriage is all about having a partner who is with you for eternity. They lived a happy married life so their perspective towards marriage is all good.
Marriage brings security to one's life, having a partner with whom you can share your good and bad is a blessing and that is precious. Some get a caring, supportive, encouraging husband so according to them marriage is all about good and having fun.
According to those women who have experienced a lot of trauma in their married life, getting assaulted by their partner, and getting abused by him says that marriage is not worth it. They think it's about losing one's self-respect to cherish others.
Some women have to leave their jobs after marriage to take care of their husbands, children, and in-laws, they drop their careers, and their dreams to manage their lives after marriage. According to them, marriage is a responsibility that a woman needs to carry on.
That woman who wants to marry a person of their choice but gets married to a person of their parent's choice feels like it's destiny and lives the rest of her with someone whom she never thought of as her husband.
Some get married at an early age because their parents are poor so they have to leave their studies or if their husband agrees to let her study, she has to manage both household work and her study simultaneously which is a bit difficult.
If a woman doesn't want to marry then her family, relatives, and society don't let her fulfill her choice to remain unmarried and say that one day everyone has to get married, it's the rule.
Blessing or trauma
Since childhood, every girl needs to hear that household work is necessary for you, you have to remain silent in most situations, your decision is not of much importance, your husband's decision is more important for you, your career is less important, your husband and children are more important to you, leave career if it comes in between your marriage life, you have to get up early in the morning if you sleep at such late hours what will your in-laws say that neither she has learned anything from her house nor her mother hasn't taught her this. There is no holiday for a wife.
If a woman gets married to a supportive, loving, caring, and understanding person it can be a blessing to her. It makes her blossom when she becomes a person for life.
At the same point, when a woman gets married to a person who assaults her, abuses her, doesn't support her, and does not understand this can turn her whole life into hell. Domestic violence is that issue which many women experience in their life where they get taunted or beaten up by their partner or family because she doesn't work according to them or don't get anything in dowry from their house and sometimes this can turn into a horrible case where women get burned by their in-law's.
In some cases, this will lead to divorce where children have to bear the cost of a parting of their parents.
There is a common saying in India that whoever eats wedding laddu, regrets it; whoever doesn't eat it, regrets it.
Choose wisely because marriage can either turn into a beautiful experience or a horrific experience.